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Trump,9 to 5, and masturbation

Dear Glampa,
How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this current administration? It stresses me out, I literally lose sleep over it. I’ve tried the whole “don’t watch the news” avenue but I want to and need to stay informed. And how do I handle his supporters? I bite my tongue and try not to judge, but to me this isn’t political it’s about morals. Please help me from wanting to throat punch these racist, sexist, homophobic bigots.

With love,
I want America to be America again ✌️

Dear America,
When dealing with sexist egotistical lying hypocritical bigot, it seems one has a few obvious choices, yes? The “Skinny and Sweet” scenario, the mob mentality chase scene, or the ever popular “rooster to a hen, roasting spit” reaction.
Now, I AM privy to the Snow White scenario, but who can still fit into their prom dress? So, we can forget that one.
Number two... having a mob of migrant workers perhaps chase Trump into a powerful woman’s office and forcing him to beg for protection would be ever so fulfilling on many levels. Imagine, Mika Brzezinski (who’s bleeding now, punk?) sitting behind the desk, or Hillary Clinton? It would be like like Christmas had come early. But, Trump would just use it to blame MS-13 and hoard up more children. Also, do we need more gun violence? As cute as David Hogg is, this is not the reason I want him riding my ass. He’s over 18 right? So,.. Shelved.
If anyone deserves to know what it is like to be a woman in a man’s world, it is Donald Trump. Changing him from a “rooster to a hen with one shot” would be a poetic justice unparalleled in modern times. The “Trans-bathroom” opponents would FINALLY have their predator scenario actualized, and post-roasting he could feed all of Ethiopia. Seems like it could make BOTH sides of the aisle feel valid and represented. If I weren’t a vegetarian I might be all for this one. Also, hasn’t the Trans community been through enough? Moving on.
Criticism from idiots is a common occurrence. Even more common is criticism from smug, uniformed, bigots hiding behind poorly strung together alternative facts. Although, their opinions, like yours, are their’s and it’s not your job to change anyone’s mind. If I may use the wisdom of whoever said this “Be the change you want to see.” Find goals that you can personally work toward. That might fulfill you and give you a sense of purpose that could make this temporary period of darkness seem useful, so you may fully enjoy reveling in the dawn. (Whenever the fuck that comes)

Oh, yeah, and don’t forget to vote.

Xoxo, Glamps

Dear Glam-Pa,

What are your thoughts on masturbation?? Is masturbating multiple times per day excessive? Again, asking for a friend.......

Sincerely,
Vibing with my vibrator

Dear Vibrator,
Addiction is a self diagnosed disease. Only you can say when something is too much. Far be it from me to call you a dirty fornicator. I suggest you read the first step suggested to us by Alcoholics Anonymous.  If that resonates within you, trust your gut.
If not, squirt till you drop! Just remember to wash your hands.

Really, wash your hands.

Xoxo,
Glamps

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