THAT’S what friends are for??

Dearest Glampa! 

I have a lot to say to ex-friends, but I'm not petty enough to actually tell them. I have started to write each a letter, a letter I have no intention of ever delivering. 

What are your thoughts?

Signed, 

I’ve got Mail. 

Dear Mail, 

Let’s unpack! 

Without knowing the details, it’s hard to know emotions are and which aren’t petty. But, what’s more important is that they are your emotions. You don’t need to belittle them by calling them “petty” just because your ex-friend might be a cunt. Are you deflecting, or do you genuinely think that you’re responses to your friends are petty? (That’s ok too, sometimes… WE PETTY AND THAT’S ok!)  

Having written a poisoned pen letter or two myself in my day, I can definitely attest to their validity as a tool for identifying and transcending emotions and situations I’m finding difficult. I am definitely on “team write the letter.” Say everything you need to, really get it all out. Where you go from here depends on what you want. But, do write it for yourself. Say what YOU need to say.

First things first, DON’T send that letter. Put the letter away for at least 24 hours.

Next, define what you want. 

Is this somebody you want to keep in your life? If the recipient of the letter is not somebody you want to keep in your life or value, the best advice I have is to put the letter away and move on. The more you talk about something, the more you engage with somebody, the longer you perpetuate the situation and your own bad feelings. If you genuinely don’t want anything to do with this person anymore, write the letter, say everything you would want to say, and move on. If after some time has passed, you still feel the need to say something to this person, even if it’s just to make yourself feel better, then that truth will come out and you can handle it as you see fit. Just remember, that could backfire and cause more drama than it’s worth. 

If this is somebody you want to continue to have in your life, or a family member that you’re shackled to against your will, you now need to start thinking about how to engage moving forward. 

Look at your letter and re-write it in a constructive way. Write the letter with the intention of mending a bridge. Take time and really think about the way you’re engaging. Realize that you are now in control of how the relationship moves forward. Engage this person the way you would want somebody to engage you. Be kind, and direct. I think they call it, “being the bigger person” or some shit like that. They still may respond in a vile and nasty way, but at least you will have been true to yourself. They may not want to perpetuate a relationship with you, but that’s on them. You can only take care of your side of the street. It may hurt, but at least you’ll know. 

If it’s a family member, wait till Grandma dies. You’ll probably never see them again anyway. 

It’s difficult feeling betrayed by a friend. But, first and foremost do you need to take care of yourself. If you genuinely don’t know how you want to move forward, give yourself the time you need to figure it out. And as difficult as it is, sometimes we just have to sit with our unpleasant emotions until we can move past them in a healthy way. 

Love and nipple clamps, 

Glampa