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Storm’s a comin, and so is her Lawyer

Dear Glampa,
I want to have sex with both Stormy Daniels and Michael Avenatti in the back seat of a race car.  Is there something wrong with me?

Signed,
I want to ride his BI-cycle

Darling Bi,
I’m sorry, I feel I must be very direct and frank. Yes,  I feel there is something wrong with you.  To the point where you’ve actually made me feel shame for you. What is the matter with you?  Do you have some sort of mental deficit?
Please do not hesitate, contact medical professional immediately. You may be having some sort of  you may be having some sort of mental break.  Race cars don’t have backseats.

Kisses and Xanax,
Gl-pa


Glampa,
Is it weird that my ramen has banana flavored undertones?
Signed,
Is that a banana in your Ramen or are you just happy to see me?

Dearest Nana,
Proper food storage is paramount in keeping a clean and tidy kitchen. Have you ever noticed that if you have any food next to a detergent, often times it takes on the flavor? Banana flavored Ramen while sounding mildly repulsive doesn’t seem to be dangerous to me?
I couldn’t say definitively without knowing where you’d been putting your bananas?

Or maybe you’re having a stroke?

If that’s the case call a Dr.,
Glampa, M.D.


G,
Is it crazy living alone and not having a man around to give orders and just having someone for a roll in the hay sometimes??

Signed,
Gloria Steinem?

Dearest Gloria,

I think the first thing to tackle is why do you feel as though do you need somebody to  give you orders? Pardon me if I’m being presumptuous, I’m not intending to be judgmental. I ask that solely to understand where you’re coming from.
My short answer, based on my experience and not any book learning, is no it’s not crazy. Personally, I think it’s liberating. Now, you can combine the two if you like getting ordered around in bed! If so, then let your freak flag fly and have a blast. But, (and I cannot stress this enough) there must be trust and a safe word involved if you go that route.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying living alone and looking for the occasional “roll, roll, roll in the
hay.”
You get to define what you want and how you choose to live your life. Who cares what anyone else thinks? If it’s working for you, it’s working. And the wonderful thing about that is, if it starts to not work for you at any point you get to choose something different.

You’re your own architect, whore.

Xx
G

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