Dearest Glampa!  I have a lot to say to ex-friends, but I'm not petty enough to actually tell them. I have started to write each a letter, a letter I have no intention of ever delivering.  What are your thoughts? Signed,  I’ve got Mail.  Dear Mail,  Let’s unpack!  Without knowing the details, it’s hard to know emotions are and which aren’t petty. But, what’s more important is that they are your emotions. You don’t need to belittle them by calling them “petty” just because your ex-friend might be a cunt. Are you deflecting, or do you genuinely think that you’re responses to your friends are petty? (That’s ok too, sometimes… WE PETTY AND THAT’S ok!)   Having written a poisoned pen letter or two myself in my day, I can definitely attest to their validity as a tool for identifying and transcending emotions and situations I’m finding difficult. I am definitely on “team write the letter.” Say everything you need to, really get it all out. Where you go from h...

  More I grew up thinking there had to be more. I desperately needed more. This couldn’t be all that there is. I WAS MORE.  I thought more was elusive to me, because I didn’t deserve more. I wish I had known back then that that’s all it was.  I had never dreamed I didn’t deserve more, and then when I realized that I deserved it I had no idea how to feel it.  What a bitch to be young and extra and not know what to do with it.  Now, I have more.  And I feel less.  And I don’t need more. 

 Dear Glampa:  My husband's maternal grandmother has just turned 97. We have arranged a Zoom birthday party where we will all have our own cakes. It will also be Valentine's Day. Grinny recently asked if there would be sex in heaven. Would it be inappropriate to make a tasteful cock cake for the occasion? PS: my children will be present.  Sincerely, Consciously Curious Dearest CC,  Mmmmm,....cock.  Sorry, what was your question? Oh, yes! At 97, Grinny deserves any kind of cake that will bring her joy. Of course, the issue that some Puritan, repressed, mother fuckers will have is the kids.  If they know what the cake is, it’s time for “the talk.” If they don’t, just tell them it’s a rocket ship,...with veins.  Nothing wrong with a penis, especially if they happen to have one. 

Remember,… way back in days of yore, when you could have a discussion and end it with the infuriatingly passive aggressive “agree to disagree?” The halcyon days when making drug addicts test for food stamps was something you and your cousins could disagree on without coming to blows. Well, this is a new era bitches. The simple days of entitlement reform and healthcare debates are a thing of the past.  Picture it, Astoria 2010. I was a deep thinker with integirty. I engaged thoughtfully and with an open mind. I was opinionated, sure, but I listened. There was promise on the horizon for me and my people. New York had just legalized gay marriage and the sparks of a national debate were beginning to burn bright. I had dealt with homophobia my entire life, whether it be the torment of children (I am no innocent in that area, either.) or the vitriol spewed by dear old Dad, and his third wife Merlyn. (Yes, her name is Merlyn.) I had learned from it, and transcended the emotions it inspire...

Dear Glampa! I’ll try to keep this to the point.  My daughter came out to me a couple of years ago, which was great. I was really happy she trusted me and had the confidence in our relationship to not be afraid to broach the subject. She and I have had a lot of conversations about attraction and love and the difference, and it’s led me to a lot of soul searching and realizing myself. See, I’ve never been a “labels” person, and I’ve always found myself attracted to what people held in their heads and hearts. I also had some deep, serious conversations with my partner and myself. I told someone for the first time that I’m not straight. I’ve never really thought about it, but I am attracted to men, women, nonbinary people, and trans people. I don’t really care what’s in their pants. All that to get to my question: is it necessary to come out to the world when I’m comfortable in myself and my partner knows what I’m into?  Thanks,  It’s Not About the Cookware Oh, Cooki...

So, after all the machinations, drama, sweaty and defensive interviews, Kevin Hart has indeed apologized. Unequivocally, and clearly. He feels he has said everything he has to say on the issue, and he refuses to address it again. (It’s not WHAT you said, Kevin, but the WAY you said it. Also, it’s what you said.) So, apology accepted. It’s not you, it’s me. So, let’s unpack that a little. You said you would beat your child with a dollhouse if he were playing with it because “that’s gay.” You said someone looked like a billboard for AIDS, and that you felt that comment meant you were “On fire!” (... if only) Ok, let’s take a minute and imagine what a billboard for AIDS would look like? Personally, I see Greg Louganis and Magic Johnson naked... Ooo, billboards bitches. Moving on, there are literally a list of dozens of similar tweets about “fags” and “fat fags,” and “gay face,” but you’ve addressed them and recently apologized for them. Your “addressing” of them some years back am...